Monday, April 27, 2009

Tough Times

I didn't think about this teen mom all day on Wednesday and Friday. It was nice. But tomorrow it's back to the whole thing.

It's just eight hours of each day, and every time I've dreaded it, I've managed to make it through. No matter how tired, frustrated, and disappointed I've been, I've gotten to 5:00pm and gone home. Well...sometimes it's not until 7:00 or 8:00, but I'm more than fairly compensated for that.

But I won't lie; it's tough. Some nights I'm kept awake by the thought that she hasn't actually done anything to get her kid back. I mean, waking up and visiting with her kid three times a week is relatively good for someone with such a difficult past, but it's not enough in the eyes of the law. I don't know if she has the capacity to fully understand it though.

The LA Times printed two articles last week about how in 2008, our Department had 14 child deaths, ten of which are under investigation because the social worker might not have done enough. That kind of stuff kills morale, and it makes our administrators nervous. So they put more staff into Emergency Response and try to tighten up policies. But who knows how that's going to work out.

A lot of my Facebook friends from high school and college are lawyers now. I'm sure that isn't an easy job, but I doubt that most of them are ever in the position to be held accountable for a kid's death.

And then I think maybe I should've worked harder in school so that I could've gotten a cushier job that gave me more time to just sit around and be happy. But it's too late for that now.

I've been having these disturbing nightmares the past few nights. When I wake up, I don't recall what happened, but I just have a sense of dread. It's not fun. I know that I'm not looking forward to falling asleep. But somehow I still get tired enough to do it.

Research shows that most people who were hired under Title IV-E (like me) leave this job after paying back their two years, even in spite of the pretty good pay and benefits. I guess not a lot of people are willing to do this kind of work. I wonder if I'm one of them too.

Well, sleep will come to me. And then I'll wake up in a few hours and put on my wings for another week.

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